I'm not sure if anyone will read this.. and though I will try not to..I'm sure that one way or another I will care..Its inevitable for me..caring , that is....I cannot seem to help it..I'm never entirely sure if I want to.. Since the last time I was on here... Life,Death,Re-Birth,New life.. and somehow trying to live has all happened.. So many parts of me have already lived and died.. that at times I wonder if I'm meant to die young as I always thought I would...not that I want to.. just always thought I would...and then again.. there has been so much new life and re-birth of good things that I'm unsure .. for me life seems too good to be true now..and especially because of that so very very Fragile...I think I have stopped believing in dreams..mind you though..I have finally gotten to a place in my life... where I love me for me..at least most of the time ...and I stopped caring about what other thought of me and except for minor exceptions am myself all of the time.... In so many ways I am blessed..and yet...I'm not entirely happy..I've let living life take over too much time.. and I've lost my connections to some friends..and though I am in a new city and have been for a year..I have yet to make a lot of new ones....I've stopped being creative..and motivated to go out and really live life..and I feel like I'm just out there on a stage doing the actions and reading the part but not really enjoying it because I'm just filling in for someone else..they are supposed to be here and not me..I can only hope and pray at this point that things are not what they seem..that this is just an interlude..or an audition.. and by some miracle that this is my part... and I wont once again have to find my way of life...

I will end this rambling entry with a simple blessing to those who read.. and those who may also be feeling something similar.. Know that someone loves you.. and remember each day is blessed.. you just have to look for it..